Sausages

Sausage, sausage... I need sausage. This shouldn't be a problem in Germany, but I need British sausage, tubes of fat, water, filler and slaughterhouse by-products. About a year ago I risked physical violence by getting into an argument with a street-side purveyor of so-called sausages in the United Kingdom. Yes, I'd had a few beers and then a few more before this engagement. I posited the idea that sausages should consist primarily of meat. British sausages tend to comprise 30% fat, 30% rusk, and the remaining contents tails, snouts, ears and the other such similar objects, with possibly a few muscle-y bits thrown in for good measure.

Bangers and mash. The mash is easy. It gets used for a couple items, including shepherds pie. Based on my estimations I'll go through at least three tons of potatoes a year. But the bangers are a problem. There are a couple of services which will import British sausages and deliver them. Their reliability is on par with that of most national postal services.

A friend suggested that I make sausages myself. He even supposed I could sell them on their own to a limited but desperate market. This would be an incredible mistake. The instant I start selling unfinished products is the instant that the regulations change. There is a huge difference between the regulations for the kitchens of restaurants and those of butchers. I couldn't even sell the sausages on their own; they'd have to be sold -- cooked -- as part of a finished meal as listed on the menu.

Where do I find rusk? Bread crumbs from bread made without yeast? The very idea of grain filler in a sausage is anathema in Germany. And yet this is what many of the customers want. I've found a couple recipes for Cumberland sausages and my kitchen at home may yet be host to numerous experiments. Good thing I have an American fridge.

But do I really need sausages on the menu? Do I really need British sausages? I can live without bangers and mash on the menu but what about a breakfast if I have to open up early in the morning because of some world cricket final? Would the Brits be willing to make do with the German equivalent, perhaps a white bratwurst? And how much would each serving cost me in ingredients and in time?

Sausages! What the hell am I getting myself into?