Well, boy howdy, that worked! My second attempt to make a perfect, addictive-like-meth spinach-avacado dip worked like a charm. The only problem is that prepping it takes a while because spinach is too damned wet, even after it's been chopped and sqeezed to death in cheesecloth. Still, I've confirmed the addictiveness quotient (very high) and tastiness (very high) and will stick with the recipe even though it takes around 45 minutes to make.
Prep is simple but cooking is time-consuming. The real downside (because there's always one) is that the base probably won't freeze well due to the sour cream. Final presentation takes about 10 minutes in a home kitchen and not even five in a restaurant with a salamander (the broiler, not the amphibian).
Cost per portion is reasonable (under €2/per) but will continue to increase due to dairy and artichoke costs. I should be able to keep the price under €5 for now.
Next stop: chili, both veggie and meat. There's a Munich chili cook-off in a month or so and if I can win or at least place in the top three it'd score the bar some serious points.
Problem 1: my chili takes around 14 hours to cook. I could do an easy version in under 45 minutes with another hour of 0simmering, but the version with all the chilis (guajillos, pasillas, chipotles, anchos, Californias and others) and the mixed meat takes time. And all the tomatoes.
It's hard to get even half-ripened tomatoes and the ones which are at least starting to leave the green spectrum before being picked are terribly expensive. I'll probably have to use a mix of fresh and canned. There's a big Italian supermarket which serves both home and restaurant customers. I've picked up four different recommended brands of canned tomatoes from there and have to try each one. Chili con carne (or "con veggie") is actually pretty cheap to make in large batches, save for the cost of the chilis which I have to import.
The only chilis which are finally available here are chipotles in tiny cans packed in adobo sauce, and only a few specialty stores have them. Maybe I can use some of the more readily available Turkish and Indian chilis along with the chipotles. There are also the dried Thai and Chinese ones for heat but I love the ancho flavour. Gonna be eating a lot of chili over the next month...
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Monkey Wrench
This is going to be a problem.
I've been informed that getting three months' leave of absence from my day job is extremely unlikely. Were my mother terribly sick (she's been dead for three years) or if there was a baby on the way (my now ex-girlfriend is moving out next month) it should be rather easy to get approval, but because I want leave for "personal reasons", I'm unlikely to get it.
I could play the German medical system and claim burn-out but I'd rather not go that route. For one I'm still self-insured. More importantly that would some sort of record with both the firm and the medical system. But I have to do this. I have to open a restaurant.
I need to do this because financially I'm hosed. Having only really worked and contributed to the social system here since I was 35 and with a contractual obligation to relinquish my current job at the age of 62 (despite the ever-increasing age of retirement, now 65), I won't have enough pension built up to pay even the rent.
I will work until the day I die. I've always known this and in and of itself it's not a necessarily a bad thing because after 10 days of vacation and doing nothing I'm champing at the bit to get back to being productive in some way. The cold, harsh reality is that whether or not I want to, whether or not I'm physically able, I will have to work.
I work in the software industry. I'm very good at what I do but it's getting harder to remain this good because there's always more to learn and this dog can only absorb so much information. I can still learn but it's harder; I'm on the wrong side of 40 and getting further from that every minute.
Yeah, I could probably tend bar until I stop breathing but who the hell wants a 60-some-year-old schmuck standing behind the bar? Not me, and I'm old enough not to make jokes about that age anymore. How long would I actually be able to hold up doing that physical work? Working at someone else's whim? For a pittance?
Why a restaurant? Because I know what I'm doing. I've chosen to take the safe route of working for someone else to relearn how the business works here in Germany. I've moved to (quasi-)management and picked up much. There are a couple restaurants I'd really like to open but this sports bar seems the safest way to begin as an owner and the least likely to be able to bankrupt me quickly.
Few are turned off by an old owner. On the contrary, whether it's a 3-star palace or a sports bar, the old guy who runs the place is respected.
I need around three months to rebuild this bar, rip out, replace, rehab and refit everything that's currently keeping the customers away, and get everything running smoothly after which I shouldn't have to show up more than a few a week. I'm not in this one for the cash any more than Apollo 8 was in it for a landing.
They paved the way for Apollo 11 by testing and observing and learning. Despite a free-return trajectory to bring them home automatically in case things went badly, the Apollo 8, 9 and 10 missions were busy and difficult and necessary for the eventual Moon landing.
I'm trying to play it safe as well. Tend bar, manage, learn what's necessary with bookkeeping, taxes, inspections and other gubmint matters, get to know other owners; I've done my Mercury and Gemini missions. I've experienced my own Fire on the pad and I've rebuilt from there. It's time to break out of orbit. While I won't have any free-return -- I stand to lose a lot of money -- it shouldn't be able to bankrupt me.
This is the only way I know to secure my future and I can do some good for others at the same time.
I've been informed that getting three months' leave of absence from my day job is extremely unlikely. Were my mother terribly sick (she's been dead for three years) or if there was a baby on the way (my now ex-girlfriend is moving out next month) it should be rather easy to get approval, but because I want leave for "personal reasons", I'm unlikely to get it.
I could play the German medical system and claim burn-out but I'd rather not go that route. For one I'm still self-insured. More importantly that would some sort of record with both the firm and the medical system. But I have to do this. I have to open a restaurant.
I need to do this because financially I'm hosed. Having only really worked and contributed to the social system here since I was 35 and with a contractual obligation to relinquish my current job at the age of 62 (despite the ever-increasing age of retirement, now 65), I won't have enough pension built up to pay even the rent.
I will work until the day I die. I've always known this and in and of itself it's not a necessarily a bad thing because after 10 days of vacation and doing nothing I'm champing at the bit to get back to being productive in some way. The cold, harsh reality is that whether or not I want to, whether or not I'm physically able, I will have to work.
I work in the software industry. I'm very good at what I do but it's getting harder to remain this good because there's always more to learn and this dog can only absorb so much information. I can still learn but it's harder; I'm on the wrong side of 40 and getting further from that every minute.
Yeah, I could probably tend bar until I stop breathing but who the hell wants a 60-some-year-old schmuck standing behind the bar? Not me, and I'm old enough not to make jokes about that age anymore. How long would I actually be able to hold up doing that physical work? Working at someone else's whim? For a pittance?
Why a restaurant? Because I know what I'm doing. I've chosen to take the safe route of working for someone else to relearn how the business works here in Germany. I've moved to (quasi-)management and picked up much. There are a couple restaurants I'd really like to open but this sports bar seems the safest way to begin as an owner and the least likely to be able to bankrupt me quickly.
Few are turned off by an old owner. On the contrary, whether it's a 3-star palace or a sports bar, the old guy who runs the place is respected.
I need around three months to rebuild this bar, rip out, replace, rehab and refit everything that's currently keeping the customers away, and get everything running smoothly after which I shouldn't have to show up more than a few a week. I'm not in this one for the cash any more than Apollo 8 was in it for a landing.
They paved the way for Apollo 11 by testing and observing and learning. Despite a free-return trajectory to bring them home automatically in case things went badly, the Apollo 8, 9 and 10 missions were busy and difficult and necessary for the eventual Moon landing.
I'm trying to play it safe as well. Tend bar, manage, learn what's necessary with bookkeeping, taxes, inspections and other gubmint matters, get to know other owners; I've done my Mercury and Gemini missions. I've experienced my own Fire on the pad and I've rebuilt from there. It's time to break out of orbit. While I won't have any free-return -- I stand to lose a lot of money -- it shouldn't be able to bankrupt me.
This is the only way I know to secure my future and I can do some good for others at the same time.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Starting Point
Gotta figure out the menu. Christ! Burgers, burgers... gotta have burgers. The place used to have a reputation for really good burgers and I know I can get that back. They just have to be damned good burgers... better than Big Kahuna Burgers (but we have no tasty Sprite beverages here with which to wash them down). I can't get any further until I put together a potential menu. Once I have that I can then figure out my pricing structure and see try to figure out where the ideal profit point is. Thank fuck for Professor Gigi having made econ courses interesting enough that I paid attention.
OK, so we have to have a really high-quality burger. Do I give a list of potential ingredients? Can those ingredients be used for other menu items? Do I cut choices an just offer three or four burgers with various shit on them?
Gigi taught me, among other things, the difference between sunk and operational costs in a way that let me better figure restaurant costs. If I have a full-time cook it's a sunk cost. He's getting paid whether or not he cooks anything. I therefore have even more incentive to keep the bastard busy, not hard to do in a place where I plan to promote fresh, home-made food. Having the bar staff also cook is possible -- especially with a piss-easy menu -- but completely impractical if the place is full. It also looks like shit to the guests. The barman pours beer and makes drinks. I need a cook.
Hot dogs? They'd probably go well with the Americans, and maybe the Aussies and Kiwis will like them. Should I also offer Bratwurst to give the Krauts what they like? They don't require that much space. But if I do that then maybe I should offer the very German standard "Currywurst" with chips? Except now I'm deviating even further and adding more items I have to buy and store and try to flog. Kitchen and counter space is limited.
Do I do hot dogs from the kitchen or offer them in one of those countertop display units on the back bar? Should I offer a tray of toppings or do I again make a few basic variants? Hot dogs are great because they're not too filling and offer something that the fried stuff doesn't without being a full meal. I could also do "beer and a dog" specials. Or "dozen dogs" for a tenner. A hot dog shouldn't take more than 30 seconds to serve but people are pretty fussy about what they want on them. Maybe a few "base versions" and a condiment tray.
Show me a non-Chinese restaurant with 100 items on its menu and I'll show you an owner bleeding money and facing bankruptcy. Non-Chinese because Chinese restaurants can cook more than 100 different dishes from a pool of around 25 ingredients. It's tempting to turn this place into a really good Chinese restaurant (and heaven knows we need one here) but the kitchen belongs to the building and can't be ripped out without incurring storage charges for all the old equipment he can't let go of.
Pies. Meat and veg pies. Home-made, easy enough. Fillings can be made in advance and portion-packed in the fridge or freezer. Pull out, pop into dough, seal, bake for seven minutes, serve with chips/fries. But what about Shepherd's pie? Steak and Kidney? Lancs hotpot? All simple enough but kidney? Steak and kidney pie is one of the penultimate classics but then I've got yet another ingredient which isn't used in anything else. Would there be enough demand for it?
You can't please everyone so there's no point trying. One mistake so many restauranteurs make is putting too much on the menu to ensure that everyone will find something he likes. What they end up with is a menu which is too confusing and impossible to actually prepare in a running commercial kitchen. Logistics. It always comes down to logistics. The kitchen has to be able to prepare and serve 1-12 different dishes concurrently. Meals for each person at any table must be ready at the same time.
If everyone orders something different not even the best chefs in the world can put it all together when the menu is too varied and complex. More importantly, a kitchen doesn't necessarily run orders in FIFO (first-in, first out). If my cook's making one spaghetti for a table with a couple burgers and another table wants nachos and two pastas, he needs to be able to optimise his work and make all three spaghettis at the same time along wiht the burgers and nachos.
Sandwiches? I guess I could do a grilled cheese for kids. What about tuna fish salad? Fuck. Yes I could use the tuna in a spaghetti sauce and maybe even a pie or casserole, but everyone likes tuna salad made differently and most complain bitterly if what they're served isn't what they grew up with. Fuck that. Maybe a grilled ham and cheese? I don't think I need ham for anything else, except maybe a breakfast fry-up... but that would be a different kind of ham. Bacon & cheese? The "bacon butty"? How much shit can I fit on a menu? How much shit should I fit on the menu? If I limit myself to what would fit on the front and back of a standard piece of paper that should be OK as long as I don't cheat and shrink the font. 20-point type for the names, 12-16pt for the descriptions.
I have competition, none of which are in a basement forcing their smoking customers to climb a rather long flight of stairs. None of them are prevented from putting tables outside in the summer. Who the fuck goes into a basement bar in the summer in Germany? Unless I can offer them something that they can't get elsewhere I'm hosed. I need more sports than anyone else, fair-priced food, cheap drinks, and good service. These I can offer but are they enough?
Fried food: chips/fries, chicken tenders (breast meat also used in a salad and as a sandwich, breaded with corn flakes), mozz sticks maybe, no fucking onion rings (too much effort) but maybe one of those onion blooms which never made it over to this country. But then I need to find a source for Bermuda onions. Proper Buffalo chicken wings with real blue cheese dressing and the veggie sticks. Blue cheese would be another unique ingredient but wings here suck and if I offer 'em, they will come. Except that the blue cheese could also work on one of the specialty burgers...
Then it's a trip to the commercial markets to price all of this out, figure portion sizes and costs, determine if I can charge at least twice my cost and slash another third of the items off the menu. And only once that's done can I try to figure out what pricing level will maximise profits while keeping in mind the sunk costs of rent, utilities, licensing and food/drink costs along with the possibly variable costs of labour. Will labour profit-share on the night's gross receipts as is so common in Germany?
The answer is a cross between a rhinoceros and an elephant: Fucktifino.
Whoops! This was supposed to run a few days ago before the sausages and steaks.
OK, so we have to have a really high-quality burger. Do I give a list of potential ingredients? Can those ingredients be used for other menu items? Do I cut choices an just offer three or four burgers with various shit on them?
Gigi taught me, among other things, the difference between sunk and operational costs in a way that let me better figure restaurant costs. If I have a full-time cook it's a sunk cost. He's getting paid whether or not he cooks anything. I therefore have even more incentive to keep the bastard busy, not hard to do in a place where I plan to promote fresh, home-made food. Having the bar staff also cook is possible -- especially with a piss-easy menu -- but completely impractical if the place is full. It also looks like shit to the guests. The barman pours beer and makes drinks. I need a cook.
Hot dogs? They'd probably go well with the Americans, and maybe the Aussies and Kiwis will like them. Should I also offer Bratwurst to give the Krauts what they like? They don't require that much space. But if I do that then maybe I should offer the very German standard "Currywurst" with chips? Except now I'm deviating even further and adding more items I have to buy and store and try to flog. Kitchen and counter space is limited.
Do I do hot dogs from the kitchen or offer them in one of those countertop display units on the back bar? Should I offer a tray of toppings or do I again make a few basic variants? Hot dogs are great because they're not too filling and offer something that the fried stuff doesn't without being a full meal. I could also do "beer and a dog" specials. Or "dozen dogs" for a tenner. A hot dog shouldn't take more than 30 seconds to serve but people are pretty fussy about what they want on them. Maybe a few "base versions" and a condiment tray.
Show me a non-Chinese restaurant with 100 items on its menu and I'll show you an owner bleeding money and facing bankruptcy. Non-Chinese because Chinese restaurants can cook more than 100 different dishes from a pool of around 25 ingredients. It's tempting to turn this place into a really good Chinese restaurant (and heaven knows we need one here) but the kitchen belongs to the building and can't be ripped out without incurring storage charges for all the old equipment he can't let go of.
Pies. Meat and veg pies. Home-made, easy enough. Fillings can be made in advance and portion-packed in the fridge or freezer. Pull out, pop into dough, seal, bake for seven minutes, serve with chips/fries. But what about Shepherd's pie? Steak and Kidney? Lancs hotpot? All simple enough but kidney? Steak and kidney pie is one of the penultimate classics but then I've got yet another ingredient which isn't used in anything else. Would there be enough demand for it?
You can't please everyone so there's no point trying. One mistake so many restauranteurs make is putting too much on the menu to ensure that everyone will find something he likes. What they end up with is a menu which is too confusing and impossible to actually prepare in a running commercial kitchen. Logistics. It always comes down to logistics. The kitchen has to be able to prepare and serve 1-12 different dishes concurrently. Meals for each person at any table must be ready at the same time.
If everyone orders something different not even the best chefs in the world can put it all together when the menu is too varied and complex. More importantly, a kitchen doesn't necessarily run orders in FIFO (first-in, first out). If my cook's making one spaghetti for a table with a couple burgers and another table wants nachos and two pastas, he needs to be able to optimise his work and make all three spaghettis at the same time along wiht the burgers and nachos.
Sandwiches? I guess I could do a grilled cheese for kids. What about tuna fish salad? Fuck. Yes I could use the tuna in a spaghetti sauce and maybe even a pie or casserole, but everyone likes tuna salad made differently and most complain bitterly if what they're served isn't what they grew up with. Fuck that. Maybe a grilled ham and cheese? I don't think I need ham for anything else, except maybe a breakfast fry-up... but that would be a different kind of ham. Bacon & cheese? The "bacon butty"? How much shit can I fit on a menu? How much shit should I fit on the menu? If I limit myself to what would fit on the front and back of a standard piece of paper that should be OK as long as I don't cheat and shrink the font. 20-point type for the names, 12-16pt for the descriptions.
I have competition, none of which are in a basement forcing their smoking customers to climb a rather long flight of stairs. None of them are prevented from putting tables outside in the summer. Who the fuck goes into a basement bar in the summer in Germany? Unless I can offer them something that they can't get elsewhere I'm hosed. I need more sports than anyone else, fair-priced food, cheap drinks, and good service. These I can offer but are they enough?
Fried food: chips/fries, chicken tenders (breast meat also used in a salad and as a sandwich, breaded with corn flakes), mozz sticks maybe, no fucking onion rings (too much effort) but maybe one of those onion blooms which never made it over to this country. But then I need to find a source for Bermuda onions. Proper Buffalo chicken wings with real blue cheese dressing and the veggie sticks. Blue cheese would be another unique ingredient but wings here suck and if I offer 'em, they will come. Except that the blue cheese could also work on one of the specialty burgers...
Then it's a trip to the commercial markets to price all of this out, figure portion sizes and costs, determine if I can charge at least twice my cost and slash another third of the items off the menu. And only once that's done can I try to figure out what pricing level will maximise profits while keeping in mind the sunk costs of rent, utilities, licensing and food/drink costs along with the possibly variable costs of labour. Will labour profit-share on the night's gross receipts as is so common in Germany?
The answer is a cross between a rhinoceros and an elephant: Fucktifino.
Whoops! This was supposed to run a few days ago before the sausages and steaks.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sausages
Sausage, sausage... I need sausage. This shouldn't be a problem in Germany, but I need British sausage, tubes of fat, water, filler and slaughterhouse by-products. About a year ago I risked physical violence by getting into an argument with a street-side purveyor of so-called sausages in the United Kingdom. Yes, I'd had a few beers and then a few more before this engagement. I posited the idea that sausages should consist primarily of meat. British sausages tend to comprise 30% fat, 30% rusk, and the remaining contents tails, snouts, ears and the other such similar objects, with possibly a few muscle-y bits thrown in for good measure.
Bangers and mash. The mash is easy. It gets used for a couple items, including shepherds pie. Based on my estimations I'll go through at least three tons of potatoes a year. But the bangers are a problem. There are a couple of services which will import British sausages and deliver them. Their reliability is on par with that of most national postal services.
A friend suggested that I make sausages myself. He even supposed I could sell them on their own to a limited but desperate market. This would be an incredible mistake. The instant I start selling unfinished products is the instant that the regulations change. There is a huge difference between the regulations for the kitchens of restaurants and those of butchers. I couldn't even sell the sausages on their own; they'd have to be sold -- cooked -- as part of a finished meal as listed on the menu.
Where do I find rusk? Bread crumbs from bread made without yeast? The very idea of grain filler in a sausage is anathema in Germany. And yet this is what many of the customers want. I've found a couple recipes for Cumberland sausages and my kitchen at home may yet be host to numerous experiments. Good thing I have an American fridge.
But do I really need sausages on the menu? Do I really need British sausages? I can live without bangers and mash on the menu but what about a breakfast if I have to open up early in the morning because of some world cricket final? Would the Brits be willing to make do with the German equivalent, perhaps a white bratwurst? And how much would each serving cost me in ingredients and in time?
Sausages! What the hell am I getting myself into?
Bangers and mash. The mash is easy. It gets used for a couple items, including shepherds pie. Based on my estimations I'll go through at least three tons of potatoes a year. But the bangers are a problem. There are a couple of services which will import British sausages and deliver them. Their reliability is on par with that of most national postal services.
A friend suggested that I make sausages myself. He even supposed I could sell them on their own to a limited but desperate market. This would be an incredible mistake. The instant I start selling unfinished products is the instant that the regulations change. There is a huge difference between the regulations for the kitchens of restaurants and those of butchers. I couldn't even sell the sausages on their own; they'd have to be sold -- cooked -- as part of a finished meal as listed on the menu.
Where do I find rusk? Bread crumbs from bread made without yeast? The very idea of grain filler in a sausage is anathema in Germany. And yet this is what many of the customers want. I've found a couple recipes for Cumberland sausages and my kitchen at home may yet be host to numerous experiments. Good thing I have an American fridge.
But do I really need sausages on the menu? Do I really need British sausages? I can live without bangers and mash on the menu but what about a breakfast if I have to open up early in the morning because of some world cricket final? Would the Brits be willing to make do with the German equivalent, perhaps a white bratwurst? And how much would each serving cost me in ingredients and in time?
Sausages! What the hell am I getting myself into?
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Big Mis-Steak?
How important is it to have steak on the menu? Steaks are a tough call. Some of the meat is used in a steak & kidney pie and I could grind anything before it gets too old for the pasta, pies and chili, but in order to do that I'd have to also buy some fattier meat cuts to mix in. One of the most ideal cuts of meat from a restaurant is the eye of round. Unlike the rump and top sirloin which are so common in Germany, the muscle is pretty much a uniform diameter across its entire length making portion control a snap. Boneless, it requires much less space in the fridge. It's a very good-looking piece of meat, easy to prepare and present. So of course there's a catch.
The way one cuts up a cow is different in the U.S., U.K., Germany, France, Italy and many other countries. All will quarter the animal the same way after slaughter but there are differences even in the sub-primal cuts. Getting the eye of round isn't as easy as it is in the US but it's available. Germans think of it as only a cut to be roasted or braised. The continuing modernisation of meat production is making it hard to obtain non-standard cuts; butchering is done at the slaughterhouse and meat is sent out display-ready in protective atmosphere packaging. I have nothing against modernisation but I don't like the way they cut up cows here. Still, I can get my hands on Rindersemerrolle (even though the Germans themselves can't agree on how to spell it).
Try and find a flank steak bigger than your hand in Germany. That's London Broil out the window. T-bone? Not a chance unless you're a specialty steakhouse buying 100kg each week of that alone. I can't buy huge quantities because I'm not trying to run a steakhouse and doubt that I'd sell more than a dozen or two steaks a week. But I want the eye of round. If it's even €10/kg I'm looking at a portion cost of at least €3 just for the portion of meat on a dish I want to keep under €10 because really, I don't want anything to hit the €10 mark for at least a few more years. A large steak would run me close to €4.50.
If I had my druthers I'd have a fancy restaurant and be buying the cow parts directly from the farmer who raised it, with pictures of the cow and one of the ear tags as further proof of quality and origin for the guests. But this place isn't going to be anything fancy; it's a sports bar. I have to provide what the guests want and that means offering them good, honest, simple food at a fair price.
Steaks would be served with a pile of fries and a salad OR with some other sort of spud and veg (mash and mushy peas?). Serving them adds another single-use item: steak knives. A dozen of them. It's not the cost but rather the storage space. That and the probability that at some point some idiot will stab himself or someone else accidentally and then sue me for his incompetence in handling basic eating utensils.
On the plus side, I can use the meat for a salad, for quesadillas, and grind up anything reaching its use-by date for other items made with mince. I could also offer steak & eggs on any breakfast special (during the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl, for example) Fajitas? I'd have everything else I need, from peppers and onions to the tortillas... wait a sec. No, I'd need small tortillas for those. And the meat would have to be marinated. And I'd need the fucking sizzle pans and tortilla trays. And how many of these could I sell in a week? Ten? Five? While we could really use good Tex-Mex in this town, this one goes on hold. Maybe run fajitas as a special-of-the-week and see how well they do. If there's room in the kitchen and enough demand then maybe they could go on, but for now: bar food. Sports bar food. Pub grub.
Simple steak with salad and chips/fries? Looks like it.
The way one cuts up a cow is different in the U.S., U.K., Germany, France, Italy and many other countries. All will quarter the animal the same way after slaughter but there are differences even in the sub-primal cuts. Getting the eye of round isn't as easy as it is in the US but it's available. Germans think of it as only a cut to be roasted or braised. The continuing modernisation of meat production is making it hard to obtain non-standard cuts; butchering is done at the slaughterhouse and meat is sent out display-ready in protective atmosphere packaging. I have nothing against modernisation but I don't like the way they cut up cows here. Still, I can get my hands on Rindersemerrolle (even though the Germans themselves can't agree on how to spell it).
Try and find a flank steak bigger than your hand in Germany. That's London Broil out the window. T-bone? Not a chance unless you're a specialty steakhouse buying 100kg each week of that alone. I can't buy huge quantities because I'm not trying to run a steakhouse and doubt that I'd sell more than a dozen or two steaks a week. But I want the eye of round. If it's even €10/kg I'm looking at a portion cost of at least €3 just for the portion of meat on a dish I want to keep under €10 because really, I don't want anything to hit the €10 mark for at least a few more years. A large steak would run me close to €4.50.
If I had my druthers I'd have a fancy restaurant and be buying the cow parts directly from the farmer who raised it, with pictures of the cow and one of the ear tags as further proof of quality and origin for the guests. But this place isn't going to be anything fancy; it's a sports bar. I have to provide what the guests want and that means offering them good, honest, simple food at a fair price.
Steaks would be served with a pile of fries and a salad OR with some other sort of spud and veg (mash and mushy peas?). Serving them adds another single-use item: steak knives. A dozen of them. It's not the cost but rather the storage space. That and the probability that at some point some idiot will stab himself or someone else accidentally and then sue me for his incompetence in handling basic eating utensils.
On the plus side, I can use the meat for a salad, for quesadillas, and grind up anything reaching its use-by date for other items made with mince. I could also offer steak & eggs on any breakfast special (during the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl, for example) Fajitas? I'd have everything else I need, from peppers and onions to the tortillas... wait a sec. No, I'd need small tortillas for those. And the meat would have to be marinated. And I'd need the fucking sizzle pans and tortilla trays. And how many of these could I sell in a week? Ten? Five? While we could really use good Tex-Mex in this town, this one goes on hold. Maybe run fajitas as a special-of-the-week and see how well they do. If there's room in the kitchen and enough demand then maybe they could go on, but for now: bar food. Sports bar food. Pub grub.
Simple steak with salad and chips/fries? Looks like it.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Lettuce Rejoice
Salads. I need a few salads. A Cobb would be good; it uses everything I've already got: bacon, eggs, chicken. A Greek salad might be nice but that won't work because I don't need the feta cheese or olives or pepperoncini for anything else. Maybe a taco salad... I'd have to get tortillas as well as one of those frying basket thingies which forms the tortilla into a bowl but it would be easy enough to make. I'm already making chili and I'll have nacho chips. The veg -- lettuce, tomato, onion -- could simply ring the plate, then fill the basket with more salad and chili, top with cheese, under the salamander, dishes with salsa, sour cream and guac.
But now I've got to get tortilla shells. I could always put quesadillas on the menu. A simple veggie quesadilla with spring onions and tomatoes, and a version with meat, just chicken using the same chicken breast I've got for the other salads and tenders. That could work.
So there need to be basic salads, some basic veggie: mixed lettuce, tomato, red onion for garnish, cucumber, shaved carrots and various seasonal stuff. Need a couple of dressings: blue cheese, Italian, some sort of balsamic vinaigrette. And every single dressing is one more pain in the ass that I have to make and find room to store in the fridge. How the hell do I make an Italian dressing which matches the kind that I like from of the States? I can't get Kraft Foodservice items here so their Zesty Italian is out, which means I have to figure out how to replicate that.
So along with three salads I'm now looking at possibly a fourth which is only halfway salad, and on top of that I then have quesadillas to the menu. The quesadillas are easy enough to make and don't require any ingredients I don't already use elsewhere. They're cheap, tasty and offer a completely different direction while still remaining "pub grub", at least to some degree. The ones with chicken will use the same marinated chicken breast I'll use for the salads and chicken tenders, and if I do steaks, I can marinate that meat, too.
Steaks... do I want steaks? Yes I want them but are they feasible?
I'm trying to get away from the software industry with a restaurant and inside four days I've already got feature creep. I half expect the building's owner to talk to me about "harmonizing synergies" when we meet in a week or two.
But now I've got to get tortilla shells. I could always put quesadillas on the menu. A simple veggie quesadilla with spring onions and tomatoes, and a version with meat, just chicken using the same chicken breast I've got for the other salads and tenders. That could work.
So there need to be basic salads, some basic veggie: mixed lettuce, tomato, red onion for garnish, cucumber, shaved carrots and various seasonal stuff. Need a couple of dressings: blue cheese, Italian, some sort of balsamic vinaigrette. And every single dressing is one more pain in the ass that I have to make and find room to store in the fridge. How the hell do I make an Italian dressing which matches the kind that I like from of the States? I can't get Kraft Foodservice items here so their Zesty Italian is out, which means I have to figure out how to replicate that.
So along with three salads I'm now looking at possibly a fourth which is only halfway salad, and on top of that I then have quesadillas to the menu. The quesadillas are easy enough to make and don't require any ingredients I don't already use elsewhere. They're cheap, tasty and offer a completely different direction while still remaining "pub grub", at least to some degree. The ones with chicken will use the same marinated chicken breast I'll use for the salads and chicken tenders, and if I do steaks, I can marinate that meat, too.
Steaks... do I want steaks? Yes I want them but are they feasible?
I'm trying to get away from the software industry with a restaurant and inside four days I've already got feature creep. I half expect the building's owner to talk to me about "harmonizing synergies" when we meet in a week or two.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Reaching for the stars
Yes, I know Ramsay et al. keep going on about using locally-produced ingredients. Yes, I realise that tire-making food critics make a big deal out of that as well. Yes I would like to support our local farmers especially since a couple of them are good friends. Yes, I know I'd win favour with the greenie weenies for only using products produced within a radius of 15km.
It's a sports bar, people. Not a fine French restaurant, not a fusion-cooking glass palace, not a molecular-cooking Fat Duck. A sports bar. That's the only thing I can see using this place for and the only thing I can afford to make it, mainly because it's already one (albeit one which is failing in a particularly drastic and stunning manner).
People who know me know I'd love to grab a star. Those who have had my food know I have a shot at one. I have a full plan for a "fine" restaurant and have been looking for the space for a while now. But here's an opportunity to get my feet wet with ownership in a place which simply can't bankrupt me nearly as quickly as the fine restaurant could. And what's more suitable to a sports bar than simple, honest pub grub?
None of the following will be prepared in the kitchen*: roux, reductions, zests, infusions, emulsions, composite sauces, chiffonades, concasses, nor any other word we had to steal from the French because British and German cooking couldn't be bothered to get past "roast meat and veg" a thousand years ago.
That's not to say there won't be any cooking. Far from it, there will be a full-time cook and I intend to keep him busy. Unfortunately that very busy person will be me at first and I've got a full-time office job from which I can only take a few months' leave of absence, after which the place needs to be able to run without me. The sauce for the spag bol (should the dish make the final cut) will not come out of a jar, even if the portion cost is only a quarter of what it is to make the stuff fresh. Hot pot, pie fillings, home-made chocolate and cheesecakes, hell -- maybe even some bread.
There are a few reasons for this, not the least of which is "quality". Tinned spag sauce sucks, even if you "doctor" it. If I take this bar I have a hellaciously bad reputation to undo and a plan to ensure people will once again eat in this place. Part of that includes offering real food.
Karl: when people are only ordering bottled beer and telling you they don't need a glass, perhaps you should entertain the notion that something may be amiss with regards to your sanitation and the general perception thereof. As for actually eating something from that kitchen... yeah, I just don't need to go there, do I?
But there's another catch. While I've driven more than two million kilometers in my life in more than a dozen countries, my license is no good in Germany anymore and I don't have the time to suffer through their excessive, required (and expensive) driver training courses... which means I need everything possible delivered. My storage is also limited; the fewer items I have on-hand the better, and that means raw, basic ingredients and no cases of cheap-ass spaghetti sauce. Cans of two types of tomatoes and one really good tomato sauce from Italy are all I need for tomato soup, chili, spaghetti sauces, BBQ sauce and more.
So no, if I take this place it's unlikely that my mug will appear in any foodie magazine. But with fresh, honest, good basic food prepared in a clean kitchen by a proper cook and not a bartender running back to nuke everything (and with a fair pricing structure) I can easily feed 30-100 people each night. Whether I can get 30-100 people in each night is the big question because the place can't survive without that.
*Many of these might be made if I have a private party, but none are necessary for a menu full of burgers, pies and finger food.
It's a sports bar, people. Not a fine French restaurant, not a fusion-cooking glass palace, not a molecular-cooking Fat Duck. A sports bar. That's the only thing I can see using this place for and the only thing I can afford to make it, mainly because it's already one (albeit one which is failing in a particularly drastic and stunning manner).
People who know me know I'd love to grab a star. Those who have had my food know I have a shot at one. I have a full plan for a "fine" restaurant and have been looking for the space for a while now. But here's an opportunity to get my feet wet with ownership in a place which simply can't bankrupt me nearly as quickly as the fine restaurant could. And what's more suitable to a sports bar than simple, honest pub grub?
None of the following will be prepared in the kitchen*: roux, reductions, zests, infusions, emulsions, composite sauces, chiffonades, concasses, nor any other word we had to steal from the French because British and German cooking couldn't be bothered to get past "roast meat and veg" a thousand years ago.
That's not to say there won't be any cooking. Far from it, there will be a full-time cook and I intend to keep him busy. Unfortunately that very busy person will be me at first and I've got a full-time office job from which I can only take a few months' leave of absence, after which the place needs to be able to run without me. The sauce for the spag bol (should the dish make the final cut) will not come out of a jar, even if the portion cost is only a quarter of what it is to make the stuff fresh. Hot pot, pie fillings, home-made chocolate and cheesecakes, hell -- maybe even some bread.
There are a few reasons for this, not the least of which is "quality". Tinned spag sauce sucks, even if you "doctor" it. If I take this bar I have a hellaciously bad reputation to undo and a plan to ensure people will once again eat in this place. Part of that includes offering real food.
Karl: when people are only ordering bottled beer and telling you they don't need a glass, perhaps you should entertain the notion that something may be amiss with regards to your sanitation and the general perception thereof. As for actually eating something from that kitchen... yeah, I just don't need to go there, do I?
But there's another catch. While I've driven more than two million kilometers in my life in more than a dozen countries, my license is no good in Germany anymore and I don't have the time to suffer through their excessive, required (and expensive) driver training courses... which means I need everything possible delivered. My storage is also limited; the fewer items I have on-hand the better, and that means raw, basic ingredients and no cases of cheap-ass spaghetti sauce. Cans of two types of tomatoes and one really good tomato sauce from Italy are all I need for tomato soup, chili, spaghetti sauces, BBQ sauce and more.
So no, if I take this place it's unlikely that my mug will appear in any foodie magazine. But with fresh, honest, good basic food prepared in a clean kitchen by a proper cook and not a bartender running back to nuke everything (and with a fair pricing structure) I can easily feed 30-100 people each night. Whether I can get 30-100 people in each night is the big question because the place can't survive without that.
*Many of these might be made if I have a private party, but none are necessary for a menu full of burgers, pies and finger food.
So You Want to Start a Restaurant
There are few businesses as unforgiving as gastronomy. The restaurant and bar business takes no prisoners, offers no quarter and shows no mercy. In its wake are countless thousands, millions whom it has bankrupted. The line between success and failure may be determined by a single person, and not necessarily a critic or even regular customer.
There is a good reason Ramsay is so vicious. There is a good reason Bourdain is so harsh. It's a matter of life and death... that of the restaurant and the solvency of its owner.
I'm going to interject occasionally with stories about Karl. Karl bought a successful restaurant and drove it into the ground. Only those who know the gastro industry well and know Karl believe these stories aren't manufactured. They're true. Every Karl anecdote can be verified.
In Munich there is an 80% chance that a restaurant which opens today will not be open 365 days later. Five to one, baby. One in five. No one here gets out alive. From this statistic comes the blog's title. About two-thirds of these owners are clueless jackasses. They fall into four primary categories: dreamers, schemers, steamers and creamers.
Dreamers: People who have never worked in the industry but see how successful those who make it might become and want to get in on the action.
Schemers: People with an ego who hope -- as restauranteurs -- to mingle with the rich and famous.
Steamers: People who want to be in charge of something, never mind they don't know the proper way to sit on a bull much less hang on for eight seconds with one hand.
Creamers: People who can cook well for friends who then egg them on to open a jernt.
The Dreamers are just cluess fuckwits. That's it. 'Nuff said. Many have never even worked a single day at McD's much less worked in the kitchen or front of house to understand even the most basic concepts of how a restaurant works. A large percentage of this group are also Steamers. They buy a place which is going under or has already died without knowing the first thing about how to decide what to charge or what should be on the menu. Hi, Karl!
The Schemers have no chance. They're in it for the wrong reasons. They may also be Dreamers. They can and will spend their life savings and incur a metric fuckton of debt in order to hire the best of the best of the best, sir. And they will fail.
Steamers are easy to identify: they go through staff faster than they go through rolls of toilet paper. God complexes. When Steamers are offered help by those in the know they ignore the advice and may well do the exact opposite just to demonstrate they're in charge. Karl is also a Steamer.
I really feel sorry for Creamers. Honestly. This is the only group who are in it for the right reasons -- a love of food &/or service -- but have no business running a commercial enterprise.
A buddy of mine once told me that he never plays poker with friends. "If you're not there to rip the other guys' hearts out and bankrupt them," he explained, "you're there to throw away your cash." Black and white, day and night, 100% spot on. Even if you're playing for pennies, you're either there to take the copper or lose your brass.
Most Creamers get into the business because they can cook well at home and host nice dinner parties. Their friends convince them of their excessive talent and push them to go into business. They do so... and fail. Cooking for friends is not the same as cooking in a restaurant, not even cooking a holiday dinner for 24. Not even when you serve restaurant-style on plates rather than with large serving dishes to be passed around.
Running a restaurant is first and foremost a matter of logistics. If you can't organise and plan, you can't own a restaurant. If you try you'll be just so much canon fodder, a cheap supply of barely-used equipment which the rest of us (along with some of the next crop of dreamers, schemers, steamers and creamers) will pick up at half price at auction when your place goes under. And while I appreciate your willingness to subsidise my equipment costs, there's a very small part of me buried deep within that wishes, for your sake, that this hadn't happened to you.
Consider two cooks for a Thanksgiving meal: Alice and Bob. Alice starts checking her recipes and begins shopping a week before, starts her preparations on Tuesday, wakes up at 4:00a.m. on Thursday and slaves in the kitchen all day to serve the meal. Bob gets drunk every night, goes shopping the day before, grabs a pile of meat and veg thinking, "Ah, fuck it. I'll come up with something," then wakes up around noon Thursday to serve dinner before 6:00p.m.
Alice has worked hard and prepared her meal with care and consideration. Bob amkes sure everyone eats. Of course I'd prefer Alice's meal but if I go to a restaurant, I'm getting Bob's food. Alice is a "creamer"; Bob is a cook. The biggest difference is that Bob will be able to make the exact same thing taste the exact same way next year. This is vital for a restaurant.
Just as you don't want to see how that cow in the pasture next to the highway becomes a steak in a shiny plastic package at the supermarket, you don't want to know how your food in a restaurant is prepared. Know that it tastes good and that a professional made it, tuck in, and enjoy.
There is a good reason Ramsay is so vicious. There is a good reason Bourdain is so harsh. It's a matter of life and death... that of the restaurant and the solvency of its owner.
I'm going to interject occasionally with stories about Karl. Karl bought a successful restaurant and drove it into the ground. Only those who know the gastro industry well and know Karl believe these stories aren't manufactured. They're true. Every Karl anecdote can be verified.
In Munich there is an 80% chance that a restaurant which opens today will not be open 365 days later. Five to one, baby. One in five. No one here gets out alive. From this statistic comes the blog's title. About two-thirds of these owners are clueless jackasses. They fall into four primary categories: dreamers, schemers, steamers and creamers.
Dreamers: People who have never worked in the industry but see how successful those who make it might become and want to get in on the action.
Schemers: People with an ego who hope -- as restauranteurs -- to mingle with the rich and famous.
Steamers: People who want to be in charge of something, never mind they don't know the proper way to sit on a bull much less hang on for eight seconds with one hand.
Creamers: People who can cook well for friends who then egg them on to open a jernt.
The Dreamers are just cluess fuckwits. That's it. 'Nuff said. Many have never even worked a single day at McD's much less worked in the kitchen or front of house to understand even the most basic concepts of how a restaurant works. A large percentage of this group are also Steamers. They buy a place which is going under or has already died without knowing the first thing about how to decide what to charge or what should be on the menu. Hi, Karl!
The Schemers have no chance. They're in it for the wrong reasons. They may also be Dreamers. They can and will spend their life savings and incur a metric fuckton of debt in order to hire the best of the best of the best, sir. And they will fail.
Steamers are easy to identify: they go through staff faster than they go through rolls of toilet paper. God complexes. When Steamers are offered help by those in the know they ignore the advice and may well do the exact opposite just to demonstrate they're in charge. Karl is also a Steamer.
I really feel sorry for Creamers. Honestly. This is the only group who are in it for the right reasons -- a love of food &/or service -- but have no business running a commercial enterprise.
A buddy of mine once told me that he never plays poker with friends. "If you're not there to rip the other guys' hearts out and bankrupt them," he explained, "you're there to throw away your cash." Black and white, day and night, 100% spot on. Even if you're playing for pennies, you're either there to take the copper or lose your brass.
Most Creamers get into the business because they can cook well at home and host nice dinner parties. Their friends convince them of their excessive talent and push them to go into business. They do so... and fail. Cooking for friends is not the same as cooking in a restaurant, not even cooking a holiday dinner for 24. Not even when you serve restaurant-style on plates rather than with large serving dishes to be passed around.
Running a restaurant is first and foremost a matter of logistics. If you can't organise and plan, you can't own a restaurant. If you try you'll be just so much canon fodder, a cheap supply of barely-used equipment which the rest of us (along with some of the next crop of dreamers, schemers, steamers and creamers) will pick up at half price at auction when your place goes under. And while I appreciate your willingness to subsidise my equipment costs, there's a very small part of me buried deep within that wishes, for your sake, that this hadn't happened to you.
Consider two cooks for a Thanksgiving meal: Alice and Bob. Alice starts checking her recipes and begins shopping a week before, starts her preparations on Tuesday, wakes up at 4:00a.m. on Thursday and slaves in the kitchen all day to serve the meal. Bob gets drunk every night, goes shopping the day before, grabs a pile of meat and veg thinking, "Ah, fuck it. I'll come up with something," then wakes up around noon Thursday to serve dinner before 6:00p.m.
Alice has worked hard and prepared her meal with care and consideration. Bob amkes sure everyone eats. Of course I'd prefer Alice's meal but if I go to a restaurant, I'm getting Bob's food. Alice is a "creamer"; Bob is a cook. The biggest difference is that Bob will be able to make the exact same thing taste the exact same way next year. This is vital for a restaurant.
Just as you don't want to see how that cow in the pasture next to the highway becomes a steak in a shiny plastic package at the supermarket, you don't want to know how your food in a restaurant is prepared. Know that it tastes good and that a professional made it, tuck in, and enjoy.
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